As human beings, we all make mistakes or miss opportunities. I don't care who you are, it happens. What really blows, is that years after an opportunity was missed, we dwell on what went wrong, but CAN'T go back to fix it. It's simply impossible.
Let me put it to you this way...
I've missed so many opportunities in my college years, they could be represented by EVERY blade of GRASS at Qualcomm stadium; home field to the San Diego Charger's.
Especially with women...
During my 6 year tenure at the biggest party school in the country (West Virginia University), I learned a few "mannerisms" essential to being part of the Mountaineer student body.
My fraternity brothers and I went out to the bars or to house parties just about EVERY night of the week - and I'm not exaggerating. So much partying and "tail chasing," in fact...we had to develop a notarized document that had to be agreed upon between any fraternity member that wanted to TAG along.
Actually, this isn't true...but If I could go back in time to my college years, I would have implemented a RULEBOOK to live by, and said it like a PRAYER every night before I went out...
You see...sometimes there is an "unspoken word" between men on what to say, and what not to say to girls within the social meeting place...Based on personal experiences, consequences suffered, - and if I did have a notarized document outlining what to do, it would look a little something like this:
The CARDINAL rule: Don't be a DOUCHEBAG
*This could lead to a very long list of what not to do, but Ill highlight the major sins...
A. Don't steal from the bars. Your a drunken idiot. You will get caught, and you will get blackballed from the bar.
B. Don't be the angry guy. We are all trying to have a good time, so don't take the initiative into your own hands and FUCK it up for all of us.
1. The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
2. You ALWAYS have an early appointment the next morning.
3. Never use your real name.
4. Never confess.
5. Definitely make sure she is 18.
6. You have until the bar closes and the late night party to seal the deal, NO OVERTIME.
7. Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way - Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
8. ALWAYS pull out in time.
9. Of course you love her.
10. ALWAYS be a team player, everyone needs a little help every now and then.
11. Know the playbook, so you can call in an audible.
12. You understand what she heard, but that's not what you meant.
13. NEVER go back to your place.
14. Breakfast is for CLOSERS...
15. Create an air of mystery that involves some PAINFUL experience when interacting with the girl your after. But don't EVER talk about it.
16. Tell any woman that your interested and that you'd love to stay, but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter early tomorrow morning.
17. The Ferrari's in the shop.
18. If two guys pick the same girl, the younger of the two males will respectfully yield to the elder.
19. Mix it up a little. You can't ALWAYS be the man with the HAUNTED past.
20. Girls in HATS tend to be proper, and they RARELY give it up. - *Note to self* (Fitted, NEW ERA hats DON'T count - consider this as a Billboard that reads: "RUN")
21. Always think ahead, but always stay in the moment. Reconcile this paradox, and you'll not only get the girl, you just MIGHT get a piece of mind.
22. Don't use the "I have 2 months to live" bit. Not cool. NOT EFFECTIVE.
23. Your from out of town. ALWAYS.
24. Of course you dream of one day having children.
25. Deep down, most woman HATE themselves...this is the key to MOST bedroom doors.
26. By the way. Etiquette isn't old fashioned...it's sexy. And it works.
27. Avoid women who were PSYCHOLOGY majors. There is no kind of woman more clingy and PERSISTENT than a psychologist investigating your story later on...
28. COCKBLOCKING is not cool. Don't do it...ever. (C'Blocking a RANDOM Fuck-Bag has its exceptions, though).
29. Know when to abandon ship if it ain't floating.
30. Always work your way into conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money, but how does one buy happiness?"
31. Fight the urge to tell the truth.
32. There is nothing wrong with going in for seconds, provided there is enough to go around.
33. No excuses. Play like a Champion today!
34. Don't fixate on one woman. ALWAYS have a back up.
35. Be judicious with cologne. Spraying too much can be disastrous. When in doubt, use less.
36. The OLDER the better, the YOUNGER the better.
37. Avoid talking about yourself all night long.
38. You love animals AND children.
39. Be thoughtful...it brings out the "healer" in women.
40. Smile! Your having the time of your life.
I'm thinking (had I implemented this list), that I would of ended up with more black eyes, than notches on my bedpost...
Until next time...
Posts
you certainly never fail to make me laugh...
ReplyDeletethe problem with these rules is that most guys aged 18-21 aren't mature enough to pull these off without looking/sounding like a total douchebag, no matter how hard they try. hell, most guys in general can't pull this game off, well past their early 20's.
on the other hand, though, is that plenty of girls aged 18-21 aren't giving a shit about whether or not they're being played, as long as they're getting laid. in this case, perhaps you should detail more about the type of girl these rules would work on - namely, the drunk girls making out with their friends at the bar, on the couch, wherever male attention is most plentiful. these are the girls who don't need persuading, or promises of future plans, or anything really more than another beer to get into their pants. or, mini jean skirts. whatever.
while i may not fully agree with plenty of your panty-droppin' pointers (only because i think that most guys could only do them in a super douchey way), i will say that number 26 is the key to soooo many things with women. Chivalry, manners, politeness, and etiquette in general are found so rarely in our generation that women will let many defenses down upon finding a guy who can genuinely be polite. Not to say that this needs to be wally cleaver-esque, as that would probably freak some girls out, but it will definitely make you stand out from all the other douchebags.
keep on spreadin' the wisdom, post.
#27... looks like I'm not a candidate. hah. Enjoyable read, as always. :o)
ReplyDeletePost I see you really were listening and taking notes while i was talking
ReplyDelete