Do you guys remember the days when making a SIMPLE purchase at a cash register was quick, easy, and PAINLESS?
Well, not anymore.
Corporate "tracking" and rebate programs have made my life completely miserable - and because I have VERY little patience - I hesitate to inquire on a pack of goddamn chewing gum - for fear that they might ask me for my ZIP CODE...
Companies love trying to get you to make a purchase based upon a REBATE discount. Comfortable that most people will tear long strips of FLESH off their own FACE with their fingernails - long before they summon the patience and sanity together to gather the paperwork to file a MAIL-IN rebate.
Recently, I went to the store to buy a pair of Bose headphones. A fairly common and painless purchase for any HUMAN BEING with an i-pod or a cell phone.
I thought nothing of it...
Needless to say - checking out at the REGISTER was just about as fun as enlisting in the ARMY...
Employee: "Hi. How are you today?"
Me: "I'm fine, Thanks. How are you?"
Employee: "Good. Did you find everything you were looking for?"
Me: "Yep. No problem."
Employee: "OK. Great. Do you have a Best Buy points Card?"
Me: "Yes - but I don't have it with me today..."
Employee: "Ok. No problem. I can search for it in the computer. Whats your last name?"
Me: "Post. P-O-S-T.
Employee: "PROST?"
Me: "No. POST - 'P' as in PETER. O. S. 'T' as in TOM - POST."
Employee: "First name?"
Me: "John. J-O-H-N."
Employee: "John Post?"
Me: "Yes."
Employee: "425 Robin Road Harrisburg, PA?"
Me: "No."
Employee: "Ok. How about 1133..."
Me: "Yes. That's it."
Employee: "Ok. Do you have a Best Buy charge card?"
Me: "Nah."
Employee: "Do you want one? - It's good for 10% off on all purchases today?"
Me: "Nah. I'm good - I don't really have the time today. Thanks though."
Employee: "Ok. No problem. Will this be cash, or charge?"
Me: "Cash."
Employee: "Great - Whats your zip code?"
Me: "19610."
Employee: "Ok. Your total is $101.40."
Me: "Ok - Cool. I think I have $.40...hold on let me check."
Employee: "No problem. Did you know that for an extra $40, Best Buy offers a replacement program that will cover and insure any defects with this product for up to 2 years? Is this something you might be interested in?"
Me: "No, I didn't know that - and no, I'm not really interested in that today. Thanks though."
Employee: "Ok. Well there is a $5 mail in rebate available on this product. When you open the package - read the information and long onto the website, fill out the online form - including the model number, which Best Buy you made the purchase and today's date - and submit your information."
Me: "Ok. Ill be SURE to do that as soon as I get home. Hell - I might even do it from the PARKING lot on my BlackBerry."
Employee: "Ok. Well there is also a special on this product today - you're in luck. For a limited time, you can buy the extra moldings for your ear cavity for $10.99. Normally, they are $12.99. Is this something you might be interested with?"
Me: "No. I'm only interested in buying these headphones - and besides I have to go DONATE BLOOD, and Im running late - so please, just give me the product I want, and leave me alone."
Employee: "Ok. Should I put the receipt in the bag?"
Me: "Yes. I thought you were never going to ask me that. That would be GREAT."
Employee: "In order for us to serve you better - there is a survey on the back of the receipt. Please take a minute and call the 800 number on there - and tell us how I did today. That would be a great help...and its good for $5 off your next purchase."
Me: "Is that it? Because I can now feel my teeth starting to ROT out of my head since I have started to talk with you today - on what I was expecting to be an easy purchase."
Employee: "Yes. That is it. Have a nice day. - Show the receipt to the security manager on your way out."
Wow - That very well could have been the worst day of my life. I have never been a proponent of internet shopping, but now I am starting to change my mind.
Look, you guys are all savvy, so there's no need to remind you to never buy anything because it is on rebate.
Don't even factor a rebate into your purchasing equation: 10 times out of 10, rebates are ANNOYING and frustrating.
What ever happened to... "Give me what I am buying - with the receipt in the bag. Have a nice day. K, Thanks...?"
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